Friday, June 27, 2008

Thinking Up Instead Down


A SHAFT OF SUNLIGHT

A shaft of sunlight breaking through
Can make the whole world shining new;
Can shape tomorrow, change a life;
Can banish doubt and fear and strife.

One shaft of sunlight through the grey..
One word of cheer that we may say,
Could carry farflung consequence,
And might make the difference.

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Yesterday was a day that could have been a disaster as far as my ability to fight depression. Early in the morning I decided to leave my new grandson in the good care of his parents and return to my home to take care of my aging mother, I very seldom cry and yet I cried all the way home. I hated to leave him and the gentle feel of his little soft face against mine and return to the harse reality that waited for me. We had already formed a bond that needed no words to be spoken to make my heart soar to huge heights. Bless his heart in four days he had melted the ice that had formed in his grandma's heart.

As my day went on things continued to pile up and soon a im.passable wall was in front of me. Taking advantage of the fact I was 45 minutes away, my daughter decided to get rid of all the animals on my farm, including my nannie goat and her two kids. Mind you I have raised her since she was six weeks old. I still cringe when I think how lost she must be and she was such a good mom and a good friend. This one act removed me from farming and I totally lost my identity I was so proud of. I was a farmer. I'm sure the thought was it was safer and less expensive and easier on my health, but it threw me off the cliff and I've not been the same since.

I finally made it to the site and the first thing I read is very dark humor about PD and the last line just stuck to me like glue......something to the effect that sooner or later we would stop taking baths and the friends would stop coming by and that was ok with him.....I just snapped being Pokie on a soapbox and preaching out of turn! everyone has freedom of speech on a forum. But please do it with respect for the fact that you are talking to people who could very easily trip and not get up from depression on something you thought nothing of. well this too passed.

The next morning I received a call from California, Massachusetts,Ohio and another from California, all helping me to see that there was two possibilities here. I could continue thinking down and not only hurt myself but hurt the people who depend on me to make them laugh in some small way. Or I could turn the other cheek and be the person God sees when H e rests his eyes at the end of the day. The person who is following his wishes and doing his will.

I thought all day on this and decided I would just go get me a camper and travel since I have nothing to take care of anymore. I know they would have me committed if I tried this. So for now I will keep the faith and continue to write this blog and change for the better...thinking up instead of down.......pokie






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Today With PokieToo and Parkinson's and Acute RA Disease