Monday, November 13, 2017

WHEN YOU STUMBLE, MAKE IT PART OF THE DANCE......

 Lord knows I have stumbled a lot. But in that stumbling around I have danced, and danced and danced. Now, as I look back, I wish I had not taken my dancing for granted. Humans are sure blessed with huge amounts of wisdom in old age. Wisdom that would have been very handy in youth. One could bypass so much pain but how would wef learn that the world is never always a field of roses. I wasn't born into financial ease, but I never seemed to go without. My parents never went to church but my dad father "Grampa Mac" never missed a Sunday and I was right there beside him in the same pew every week.  He had a piece of candy for every child who came by and a handshake for every parent or grandparent. Those happy times went on all the way through high school.
My grandfather was a Democrat and my grandmother was a Republican. It was NEVER discussed in front of the kids, but when election day came, they dressed in their Sunday best and he headed out the front door and she did likewise but called a cab and went by herself. I heard they never acknowledged each other at the poll, just voted and left. You see why I am able to dance so well? I am made of strong stuff.
Another dance theme is the rush to fill the Thanksgiving table so all my relatives on my dad's side could feast all day and take leftovers home. Weeks before my grandfather and dad would start going to shooting matches Friday and Saturday nights in hopes of getting the best board and with that getting to take the biggest live turkey home for the big day. All the men I grew up around had guns for hunting and were very good shots as were my dad and grampa. They would win and bring that big boy home and tie him up to the cloths line to wait for killing and dressing the following week. That is a whole different story.....One that would let you know that turkeys can dance with no head....REALLY.
So you see I can still let the memories dance in my mind even though my ability to stumble is ever increasing. Well dance as best you can un til the next of my ramblings.... love ya, pokie

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Me and the park bench.....

When you are feeling bad and the pain is coming on strong, stop and look around. Stop and go to a public place and sit and watch the other world go by. They are often hurting more than you. They often have severe thoughts going through there heads that only them can understand. They may believe they cannot survive another day alone. Some wonder if they survive this day, where will the money for tomorrow come from?
Has it become all about money, rank and fame? I have known people who grew up on dirt floors and ended up millionaires and were probably happier on the dirt floors. My great grandmother lived  and raised her family in a farm house north of Cape Girardeau, Missouri that had dirt floors but her prized possession was an old pump organ which was on a pallet to protect the bottom. She played it nightly till she died. She went through two wars with the help of that organ, never looking back but  looking ahead and always with her faith and smile spurring her on.
Why are families so easily thrown away? You are only given one basic design to build on or take apart. In that family, no matter the size are different makeups and personalities, colors and ages, faiths and hopes, Just because one is different from the next does not mean you should turn your back on them.
The world is Our Big Family, Why are we doing these things to each other? Why are we promoting the pain.
While sitting on that park bench the next time, smile at each passerby, wish them a good day. If you have no money to contribute to a cause, donate your time and if you cannot walk, donate your prayers.. Send your love ....pokie

Monday, November 6, 2017

EVERYBODY CRIES SOMETIME

Where does my brain want to travel today? Away from the TV would be good. Even my reliable channels like PBS and National Geo cannot hold my attention span. I am in a state of grief non stop now. and I have to stay away from down affects, BUT they are everywhere. Being a seventy year old and pretty much at the mercy of the world, all I have is my Lord. There is no such thing as a family gathering, anymore. Everyone has another place to be, another person to talk to, another dime to make or spend. Yes you are right. I feel so sorry for myself today. Why does old age have to be so NO FUN?
Since the heart surgery, I can lift almost nothing and standing for any length of time is not much fun. So moving furniture around is impossible yet I never lay down on the couch without thinking this would look better there. I would love to take a slow drive back to Cape, my home town, but my vision is not good and safety might not be covered. The social media has lost it's glow in my heart, but I still pop in and out and continue not to find the depth I crave. Tonight I am going back to Patienslikeme.com for the first time in a long time. I know it has changed to fit the younger bunch. I guess my basic thought is WOW how boring is this? I talked to an old friend two or three days ago by phone and mentioned that I was never able to post sadness, always upbeat thoughts and that was giving me trouble now and she said "Pokie now is is your time to be cheered. up. Is there a cheered up place in the world today? Church isn't even safe.
I pray today for Texas and it's people. I pray for all the victims and relatives of all the shootings. I pray for Puerto Rico and all people just getting by. Hold on to your families with all your heart and remember the old hippy song....Everybody has to cry sometime. At this point in time I cannot solve anything or change the past or make anyone love me more or again. All I can do is smile at the future in heaven....love you all pokie  

Monday, October 30, 2017

http://blogger.com/blog-formatting.g?blogID=7105864728904284820 Blogger: Today With PokieToo and Parkinson's Disease - Formatting Settings

I am fighting so many things today, just as the world is as they watch and listen to the news and try not to worry but add that news in with trials of daily life and poor health and the burden becomes very heavy. My diseases thrive on my increasing inability to handle acute stress. I am a firm believer that God has left me here for an extreme purpose. I have actually died three times in the last three years and September 25, 2017 my heart was stopped for an hour for repairs. Through all this, I have had a continual conversation with my Lord. I'm sure you would laugh were I were to share this with you but they were beautiful. I so want to continue to blog and add the stories I know from my home town of Cape Girardeau, Missouri while the stories are still there. If google allows me, I hope to consolidate add my writings to one Facebook and my blogs. Originally Coffee With Pokie was on the light side and Pokie Too With PD.... was more serious but, it appears the first has been taken over and is now in a foreign language and I am ask to befriend myself to post on the Facebook page I was the proudest of.

I am sure all will come out well with help. At least before backing out for awhile, I had the posts printed....Thank you, Lord.    Have a wonderful night and hopefully more from me tomorrow,,,,Love Pokie 

Sunday, October 15, 2017

http://blogger.com/blog-formatting.g?blogID=7105864728904284820 Blogger: Today With PokieToo and Parkinson's Disease - Formatting Settings

HE WILL GUIDE YOU

Here it is about five am and me and my cats are going round and round. The minute I turn on my computer they go wild. I could normally handle this huge sign of affection but when dealing with them with only the sight in my right eye and relearning the ins and outs of blogging all over again, my patience is less than it should be. They have decided to just line up on the desk and peak at me around the back of the computer.

I had awesome news from my cardio doctor this week. Sine surgery July 25, I am doing so well  that I need not have another appointment until a year from now bare any problems. Next is  getting my eyes retested and I am ready to go into winter, which by the way, the "woolie worms" are solid black which means a very bad winter coming.

I have just one more thing to say tonight and that is. Please pray for all the people who are suffering right now and pray for strength for those helping them. Take care to learn to live on less and open your mind to love in so many forms. As you move through the day, keep an on going conversation with our Lord and he WILL guide you....love Pokie

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Here We Go Again......

How many times do I start anew with a totally different disease? I have been at this since 2006 with my first knee replacement and now, eleven years later, I have had the other knee replaced, my right hip , left shoulder, two eye surgeries, four heart surgeries and three skin cancer surgeries. I am still going but see the world much differently. There is such a difference between my generation at 70 and the ones that have followed. Family no longer seems to rank first on the list. What is left behind as an inheritance ranks highest. Years of taking care of my family members. This guy named "Lonely" seems always to be sitting watching me as I try desperately to do the things I have always been able to do. I am no longer as gutsy as in earlier days. Falls and car mishaps scare me where never had fears of anything. All I can say is that I am back or never left and the amount of love in my heart is still there and for ever how long God grants me earthly living, I will try to make him proud of my existence. So here we go again till the end......love pokie

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

After all I've done for you?

How precious life is to me,yet I have no fear of dying. I hope all that know me realize my faith keeps me ever driven. God keeps me in perpetual motion. I am in constant search of something I have never seen...a new color, a new sound, a beautiful sunset or dawn. Parkinson's tries to slow me down and then I realize that I have no time for pain nor does anyone else have time to listen to me complain. My feet have never stopped in the last week and I LOVED IT. I covered miles all said I should not, overcame a new fear I have developed of driving in St.Louis by myself and most important I had conversations with people I should have talked to years ago. Surely in these conversations you take the possibility of hearing things you don't want to hear but when all is said, your life is richer by far. I would take this opportunity to thank Russ and Heidi for listening to me babble on. I have spent a week with two of my many VBF and feel the warm glow it has produced. Thank you Lord for holding my hand as I ventured on in discovering the art of being a better servant and also thank you for whispering in my ear once years ago, "After all I have done for you?" when I threatened to give up and go back to bed....love ya Pokie

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Life as a senior....

MY, my, will life ever quit changing for me, or is that the way it's suppose to be? I guess, really, I am waiting for something or someone to make it all better. Thank heavens God sticks with me through my trials. I have found so many of these trials are self inflicted. In the early stages of my disease, I would spend hours, days or weeks on one project and now an hour completely does me in and as I return to the recliner, my mind continues to work. I also now have REMS Disorder and so my nights are spent tossing and turning with very vivid dreams. It seems when I am visiting someone, morning coffee is completely consumed by chatter about my night before. I holler, scream, cuss and throw my hands around and never remember a sound. Quite often, I remember the dreams and usually enjoy them but any unfinished business from the day before is really given a work over by night. Once I visited a Neurologist who told me I was a "Neurological Mess". I never went back to see him again but now I realize just how right he was....and often it scares me.. As this disease progresses, I understand the need for a caregiver where before it seemed silly to sit and watch someone clean my house BUT I don't get any pleasure at all from cleaning...none. Cleaning and having a spotless house to display my things had always been at the top of my list. Clean is still at the top of my list but I would love to have someone else to do it. I've always had big sit down lunches and dinners and now nothing. No one can fit to much into their schedules anymore and most "fitins" are a duty not a pleasure. I think I was a little late in figuring just how life can be for a senior with multiple complications. Surely this is a question for me to ponder and solve or maybe just forget and go on......love pokie

Friday, December 14, 2012

Oh Lord, Please Help......

Where do I start today? You see I happen to have a disease which is constantly fighting you and you can either fight back or give up and curl up on the couch. Don't get me wrong because I have couch days and sometimes two couch days in a row but then the stiffness sets in and I realize I NEED FRESH AIR. I am not sure fresh air would do it today. After hearing the news of the school shooting in Conn., I am physically sick. I have always attacked this disease and the other ones I have with a child's outlook. That outlook means you must not overlook the child within you and speak your piece. Everyone may not agree with me and I may not always be right, but I tried. Now I can honestly say I'm scared. What do I tell that grandson who is smart enough to notice the foam on the ocean and believe God put soap in there so we could stay clean?, How can his imagination grow if he is afraid? Oh please,Lord.....HELP US....I try so hard to remain upbeat and always spread a smile instead of a tear. This must stop. There is no time for innocence. These pre-teens know more than I wanted to know at twenty. I'm sorry but life is wrong if a child cannot be a child in safety. Love always, Pokie

Thursday, December 13, 2012

The Rodney Vista Gang

This writing thing is really weird. I have never in 65 years felt so compelled to pour my soul out to a very diversified audience. So much of my writing has been playing around with no real taught skills emerging.. Yes I did have fours years English in high school and more in college but, did it soak in? I was more of a "fun haver" than student. I'd appear with my hair just so, in just the right cloths and try desperately to look smart and not be called on. In the sixties, life was so much less complicated. I emerged an old hippy with great memories to grow old with. My aunt Dorothy always said I was the storyteller of the family and I trusted her judgement since she taught English all her life. Maybe storytelling can be inherited like all the rest of your genes and sooner or later they come to the surface to drive you crazy. Just as Parkinson's and RA hit me late in life, so did writing and when I die people will find reminders of me on envelopes and scrapes of paper everywhere. Tonight's collection of nonsense is about some very dear friends whom I have literally loved all my life. We grew up, next door to each other, in a very unique and never to be experienced again neighborhood. Without my friends I would have never survived. Me and four to six guys spent every waking hour of the day together. We wandered from house to house eating whatever each mother or grandmother would put out for us. We attended every vacation bible school in town. One week we were Methodist and the next Catholic.....just who ever would come pick us up and bring us back. We played outside til all hours of the night catching lightening bugs and playing hide and seek. There was no fear. We were safe in our own magical world. Most of the time we were barefoot but wanted for nothing. I never remember a reference being made to me being the only girl in this pack. All for one and one for all....rather like Spanky and his gang. I'm sure the independence and respect for another human being has carried us through many a trial as we grew older. Thank you guys for all the love you gave me then and continue to send my way............love ya, Pokie

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

True Love....

This past Sunday, I got up at 5:30 A.M.knowing that a very special day was about to be had with my Lord. I arrived at church at 8:00, only two hours before the service was scheduled to begin. I had had a terrible week and my depression was not controllable. These weeks are view and far between for me. But once I was in this pattern I could not get out....no matter what. I pulled up in front of our church armed with my Christmas tithe, canned food for the needy, box tops for the school kids and a heart totally full of questions. From the car, I all but ran to the front door and as I entered the door the smile came on my face. I could feel his hug and reassurance that all would be fine. I wandered toward the sanctuary trying desperately not to break into tears. The room was beautiful. Though the day was foggy and very overcast,the stain glass windows were absolutely radiant. They sent their beautiful colors into every corner. The tree was all aglow from floor to high rafters with white ornaments and millions of twinkling white lights. As I moved to the last pue, the choir began to sing and went completely through their Christmas Cantata with me as their audience. Minister Roger came in and sat behind me. I looked up to the huge wooden cross over the communion table and I felt the love and it was huge. One of the lines from a song was LET THEIR BE PEACE AND LET IT BEGIN WITH ME. And may I add let it begin today. There was a calm in my soul and my heart no longer ached with pain. I felt extreme love and his plan for me was once again clear. I WAS RENEWED. My church is The First United Methodist Church of Vandalia, Illinois. Don't wait for an emergency to bring you to her doors.Get up your courage real soon and venture in to find out what true love is. love, Pokie

Saturday, November 17, 2012

17,000 views.....thank you

Little did I realize that at this posting I have posted to this blog 299 articles in five years. My how time flies when life is pulling you onward. Since that faithful first post all those years ago, I have had both knees replaced, my right hip replaced, and last March I celebrated my 65th birthday by having my left shoulder replaced through reverse rotor cup surgery. Now eight months later I feel at loss. I feel the need to write but also feel the need for it to be pure and not used to further anyone or any disease group. I write for suffers of Parkinson. I write for persons who suffer from seizures, be they medically or genetically induced. I write for those who never have a painless day and we are talking severe pain. In this discussion I am not referring to individuals, like me, who are just trying to get the news out. I will never again,promote and work day and night for a group who takes the money I bring in for them and use it for padding their payroll. This is why you will always see me support the April Unity Walk in Central Park, NY. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF DONATIONS GOES TO RESEARCH. I have worked with them since 2009 and hope to go again this coming April. Yes for those who have ask I will try to do videos for your use. No I do not have guest writers on my blog. I will consider your article and send readers in your direction......This blog and "Coffee With Pokie" are my babies and the labor for birth has been hard and long. I could never have reached my physical or mental state were it not for PatientsLikeMe.com, The Parkinson's Unity Walk, and my many friends and followers on Facebook, Twitter and just plain internet. Much to my amazement some 17,000 people have viewed my sites and I would like to thank you one and all and hope you continue to view my writing as informational and understanding. I pray for God's help to serve you well. Love Pokie

Saturday, July 21, 2012

In His Hands

So many years ago I lost a grandson at 10 months of age. He had never been sick and was the absolute apple of everyones eye. He went to sleep one morning and neveer woke up again....CIDS had claimedd another victim. No warning just pain left behind to fill an unfillable void. I remember every minute and what I waas doing that day and the thoughts I was having.....at 12:30 I was showing pictures of him to a friend and telling her all about him and he was proably dying....I in one place and he in another some two hundred miles away. The pain never goes away even though more grandkids have been born and those that were young then have grown up. I thought at that time, I could never get over that pain and struggled to fiqure out what God could possibly be trying to tell me. Then something like today happens and I know.....No person or living thing is a mistake in God's eyes. We are all put here with a purpose and timeline.....and we are alwayss in his hands. It is an awesome place to be and as a grandmother of six and Kane, I always want the best for them and my Lord is it.....In living through that time and the many illnesses I have survived since, the pain does not compare but it has helped me console many and the following years as they suffered and questioned their faith.....I pray tonight for all concerned in this...all across the nation. I pray for your healing and pray that you let people come to you through God to ease your pain........God has always and will always love you....love Pokie

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Today and Yesterday

For months I have been sorting through my life and my families life. Pictures, clothing and ANTIQUES ...an antique(me) sorting a life time. This could have been made much easier if my parents had not been horders. McDonald plastic cups, Arby salad bowls, peanut butter plactic containers, paper and plastic bags and it goes on and on. Mixed in with an array of STUFF, you might find, money, 22 shells,fish hooks,pictures and more. Am I doing this in one house? No,two! Never was a Christmas card or birthday card discarded nor an article of clothing. Clothing my brother and I wore in the sixties hang proudly in the closet waiting for a time to come when they will be in fashion again. It's not their fault(my parents)they grew up in the depression...very poor. Nothing in that time had only one life and was never discarded wheither it was chipped or discolored. As I carry a box of this and a box of that up stairs to go through it, I cannot help but wonder if the eighteen year olds of today have any idea what poor really is. Do they know the value of things from fifty to a hundred years ago? I fit into that bracket of fifty to one hundred and I wonder what value they think I have. Just when I want to step out to investigate and enjoy some of the things I pasted by to have my kids. I do not regret that move but I can no longer do three days work in one, as I did then. I can't lift in front of me and carry. I can't lift twice my size. Yes, I am old at 65 BUT I know my best friend (BF) has me right where he wants me and a I will survive. Be there no doubt, that best friend is my Lord. This is something I needed or I would not have been presented with it. I WILL sort through this and mail the assorted things from the past to the assorted people they first belonged to and I WILL feel that my mission is done and hopefully God will grant me another twenty years to thank him... It is a shame you get so smart so late in life. You see loves you should have stayed with, money you should have saved and roads you should have taken but I believe I am making My Maker happy. Bear with my moods through this because I am sure the old me is still in there. I can tell you that with the exception of 5mg warafin, I am completely drug free .....No seizure or parkinson meds, no diabetic or blood pressure meds...tylenol extra for pain and inflamation and vitamins....Thank you Lord....love Pokie

Friday, December 9, 2011

WHAT A NIGHT

What A Night! My all time favorite Bob Seger is in St.Louis tonight. I saw him in April in Indianapolis. As I was watching on UTube, I got so wound up I got up out of my chair and started to dance.....really dance. That's a first in oh, so many years. This was not slow dancing. This was "get it done" fast. Ok, I knew some things were changing with me, but I have been sitting here waiting for direction and it was here all the time. Almost two years ago I almost gave up on helping anyone with this terrible disease of Parkinson's. No one knew how I felt....I kept it to myself and struck out on my own. That is not all true because I had someone very close to me pushing me on. I can still hear him tell me, "Parkinson's does not define you....where is the person I know and love?" I had no idea. I was so tired of being used for one thing or another and no one really listening to what I felt. I was more than that person who got up in the morning, took my many meds and laid back down waiting for the four hour rush so I could get done what needed done then back to the couch exhausted. I started, after both knees being replaced, with the fact that my right hip was gone. Oh but you know PD people don't mend well. By last November I was in a wheel chair. Hip surgery and lots of love and I could walk, with a walker or cane a half lap at the gym. Everyday I was encouraged,at least once, to go a little further. Yes,love spurred me on but more than that, I really needed his acceptance. I just wanted to be able to walk, standing up strait, next to him and see him smile. Now a year later,I am doing a mile and a half and have lost almost one hundred pounds. Then I blog and Theracycle contacts me that they had read my article and they had got some NIH funding....Great this is what I believe in....then silence. Then tonight OUT OF THE BLUE a email from Davis Phinney Foundation on their new funding for exercise trials on PD patients. I pray and read constantly for guidance but I guess I am so hard headed I didn't see what was going on right under my nose. I had been to The Davis Phinney Foundation Seminar in Colorado in 2008 or 09 and then got tied up in other places and eventually burnt out. No one was listening to the patient....and each of us was so different. Ah, but tonight a fire has been re-ignited and I CAN DANCE.....ONCE AGAIN......more to come for sure.....love Pokie ...............Oh, and P.S...Thank you, God....you were right as always.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Extra Steps

I'm rather ashamed of myself tonight.  I had just one of those days and despite the weather being nice I slept....knowing full well that will keep me up all night tonight and grandma, who lives down stairs, will be hearing me as I try to tiptoe around above her. Tomorrow morning, early, she will be up for breakfast and coffee and I will be the bear on the couch.   No exercise is terrible for me.  I have to walk everyday.  Not just a moderate stroll, but a all out walk and sweat.  If I do not, I loose no weight or my weight goes up whether I eat or not.  Do not believe I enjoy exercise because for the most part I do not,  but I know I cannot stop or I will be bead fast and rapidly. walking in a gym(basketball court)did nothing for me so I switched to the park with much more success. I have never been athletic but every so often I feel the urge to run....I have not, but I bet I do and remember running is easier that flying which I would also like to do . On days when I am particularly stressed or down, I dream of flying when I fall asleep.  The wind is always blowing through my hair and I AM HAPPY. Well mainly I am rambling and my left hand is giving me a lot off double letters.  Take some extra steps for me tonight and I will take some for you and together we will battle and win against PD.   love ya pokie

Thursday, December 1, 2011

THERACYCLE...YES

I have had an amazing journey in my mind today.  I really didn't think yesterday could be beaten but here we go.....We have had two days of beautiful sunshine in Illinois and that has always made me feel like God's pay back for my patience.  Yesterday I received an email from a gentleman representing THERACYCLE....Yes, "THE THERACYCLE" .  They have received recognition from NIH and they wanted my feedback on a cheaper model for PD patients.  The funny part is, I have been following them for over a year after seeing a PBS special on quadriplegics (Francesco Clark) who were using the Gygerrmed from Germany with great success. Neither machine could I afford. , but the theory was good...I will add more later, but check this out....http://blog.theracycle.com/?p=23   love ya Pokie

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Tiptoe lightly

There are several areas I have on my mind today. I only ask that you stay with me as I wander through my thoughts....I am not really lost just have a lot to cover.
First I have discovered this very interesting web site http://www.caregivervillage.com/social media. It cost to enroll but they will donate one dollar to the charity of your choice and the site is full of games, emotions and very creative thoughts for the emotions we all deal with on a daily bases....There are different areas within the site ...Cancer, care giving and so on....games, stories and mysteries and good information.
Next on my agenda is my granddaughter, Katie.. Several days ago she sent me this letter.I don't know where she got it or if she found it and added to it, but it touched me more than she may know.
"Yes I'm a girl, I PUSH doors that clearly say PULL, I laugh harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing. I walk into a room and forget why I am there. I count on my fingers in Math. I hide pain from my love one's. I say it is a long story when it really is not. I cry a lot more than you think. I care about people who don't care about me. A broken nail is painful. I try to do things before the microwave beeps. I listen to you even when you don't listen to me......and a hug will always help.......I'M A GIRL! and all that from a ten year old girl I am very proud of........
Next is the lead article in the Southwest Parkinson News..."CHANGING YOUR BRAIN" This works, I have tried it and it works. When our brains shut down a pathway, open a new pathway by repetitive action or exercise. I bounce a small ball, daily, from one hand to the other. My brain has forgotten how to play like this and just as soon, it will forget how to grip something and it will fall. I sit for a certain time each day just playing ball with myself and my coordination is improving. You will also see your walking and balance improve if you tell yourself to improve your posture and "stop those Baby steps." Try it and see.....I challenge you....." Use exercise as a psychological tool to help protect, repair and optimize brain function." BUT only you can do this for yourself...good luck!
The fourth thing is an article in APDA News letter St.Louis Chapter on "Medications to Avoid or Use With Caution" I was shocked that somethings appeared on there. One of the major standouts for me was hydrocordone since I have had two knees and a hip replaced and another is Xanex for sleeping.....he article was eye opening to say the least. It was authored by Joanna Hartlein, APRN, Family Nurse Practitioner.
Well all of this should keep you busy in your waking hours be they today or tonight......God bless and keep on going.......please.......... love ya, Pokie



Saturday, September 24, 2011

THE YELLOW SHIRT

This will take me forever to type but I believe in it so strongly that I am hand typing it to pass it on. In all these years, I have never learned to copy and paste or cut and paste. A very dear longtime friend and I finally talked by phone last week and today she sent me this. I cried, as I am sure you will so bare with me, please to the end.

It takes a few minutes to read but I think you will enjoy it as much as I did. Wish I had done something like this years ago.

The yellow shirt, had long sleeves, four extra large pockets trimmed with black thread and snaps in front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of cloths mom intended to give away... 'you're not taking that old thing, are you?' Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt. ' I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954.'

'It's just the thing to wear over my cloths during art class, mom, thanks.' I slipped into mt suitcase before she could object. The yellow shirt became a part of college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation I moved into my new apartment and I wore the shirt the day I moved and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned.

The next year, I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the shirt during fat days. I missed my mom and the rest of the family, since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois. But that shirt helped I smiled remembering that mother had worn it 25 years earlier.

That Christmas , mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched the elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to mom. When mom wrote back, she thanked me for the 'real gifts' and never mentioned it again.

The next year my husband , daughter and I stopped at mom's and dad's to pick up some furniture. Days later when we opened the crate for the the kitchen table ,I noticed something yellow taped to it's bottom.......The Yellow Shirt! And so the pattern was set.

On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under mom and dad's mattress. I don't know how long it took her to find it, but almost two years passe before I discovered it under the base of our living room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed while refinishing furniture......The walnut stains added character.

In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children I prepared to move back to Illinois. As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could find a job. I paged through my Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read, 'So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is over, you will be standing up.' I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt. Slowly it dawned on me ..... Wasn't mom's love a piece of God's armor? My courage was renewed.

Unpacking in our new home I knew I had to get the shirt back to mother. The next time I visited her I tucked it in her dresser drawer. Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station and a year later I found the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet. Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the words....I BELONG TO PAT.....Not to be outdone, I added an apostrophe and seven more letters. Now the shirt proudly proclaimed.....I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER. and then I zig zagged all the frayed seams and had a friend mail the shirt, in a fancy box to my mom from Arlington, Va. we enclosed an official looking letter from 'The Institute for the Destitute announcing she was the recipient of an award for good deeds. I wish I could have seen her face when she opened the box but of course she never mentioned it.

Two years later, in 1978 I remarried and on that day Harold and I put our car in a friends garage to avoid practical jokes. After the wedding, we were traveling on our honeymoon and I reached in the back seat for a pillow to rest my head and it felt lumpy. I unzipped the pillow case and wrapped in wedding paper in the inside was the yellow shirt with this note in the pocket. Read John 14:27-29....I love you both, Mother.

That night I paged through my Bible and found the verses,'I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives....So don't be troubled or afraid. Remember what I told you, I am going away but I will come back to you again. If you really love me, you will be very happy for me, for now I can go to the Father, who is greater than I am....I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do, you will believe me.'

The shirt was mother's final gift. She had known for three months she had terminal Lou Gehring's Disease. Mother died the following year at age 57.

I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave but, I'm glad I didn't because it is a vivid reminder of the love filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides my oldest daughter is now in college and majoring in art and every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets........

FAITH IS THE PAUSE BETWEEN GOD'S PLAN AND SEEING IT COME TO PASS!!!!!!!

Have a wonderful Sunday and thank your Lord for all your yellow shirts......Amen







Thursday, September 15, 2011

Dreams

Well my favorite time of the year has arrived but this year with a little apprehension. I said last spring I would never spend another Winter in this house. Well time is marching on and here I am. I have this uncontrollable urge to be by myself in the country with my things, in the quiet. It would be like returning to the 1800's for I have spent my life collecting antiques that no one now seems to want or have space for (kids that is). Magazines a hundred years old, quilts galore, farm equipment and old, old hand tools...and .......books and books and books. I will have to call a mover if I find a place. The funny thing is I can almost see it in my mind. I don't plan on being a burden on anyone.....I just feel this need.

As I have been getting ready for this......I realized just how much I have wrote since October of 2007. Boxes and boxes, some published and not...some just notes on envelopes and something wrote on the back of a napkin that seemed real important at the time. I guess if the day comes, I will just go through the house and point to what to take and let the kids do what they wish with the rest.

Funny how some things seem so important. I really want a fish aquarium. Lots of flowers and an East facing window to have my coffee and read my Bible at in the morning. Nothing big just homey and comfortable..........Ah, the dreams of this old brain. I must get to bed now. So pleasant dreams to all love Pokie

Today With PokieToo and Parkinson's and Acute RA Disease