After all I've done for you?

How precious life is to me,yet I have no fear of dying. I hope all that know me realize my faith keeps me ever driven. God keeps me in perpetual motion. I am in constant search of something I have never seen...a new color, a new sound, a beautiful sunset or dawn. Parkinson's tries to slow me down and then I realize that I have no time for pain nor does anyone else have time to listen to me complain. My feet have never stopped in the last week and I LOVED IT. I covered miles all said I should not, overcame a new fear I have developed of driving in St.Louis by myself and most important I had conversations with people I should have talked to years ago. Surely in these conversations you take the possibility of hearing things you don't want to hear but when all is said, your life is richer by far. I would take this opportunity to thank Russ and Heidi for listening to me babble on. I have spent a week with two of my many VBF and feel the warm glow it has produced. Thank you Lord for holding my hand as I ventured on in discovering the art of being a better servant and also thank you for whispering in my ear once years ago, "After all I have done for you?" when I threatened to give up and go back to bed....love ya Pokie

BEST IN THE WORLD

I put myself through such trials. Often unfounded. Sometimes I later realize the were too much medication or too little. But, as I have told you before, and whether you believe it or not.....My Lord leads me to things I would have never found on my own. So often with a disability, one becomes very sensitive to criticism......almost as if you were a china doll about to be knocked from the shelf....and in that fragile moment anxiety ramps up and our defenses come to the foreground to protect us from the fall. Sometimes even with the best of defense you fall and shatter into a million pieces. Afterward you hover somewhere, out of body, usually crying and feeling quite sorry for yourself and embarrassed at your outburst. Be you right or wrong it was probably "Ugly." What did God think? Did he say,"That's it I'm done with you and to punish you, no more good times." Nope, with me, he gives me a few days to stew and then leaves me a note on my desk and says..."Get Over It!"

This fell from my bible this morning, from nowhere:

BEST POEM IN THE WORLD

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
not by the beauty of it all,
nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp....
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought,
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.


I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How did all these sinners get up here?
God must have made a mistake."

"And why is everyone so quiet,
so somber - give me a clue!"
"Hush, child,", He said, "They are all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you!"

Here's just a few more things that were on the note:

John 3:3 Verily, Verily I say unto thee, except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

JUDGE NOT

Luke 6:37 - Judge not and ye shall not be judged, condemn not and ye shall not be condemned, forgive and ye shall be forgiven.

REMEMBER...JUST GOING TO CHURCH DOESN'T MAKE YOU A CHRISTIAN ANY MORE THAN STANDING IN YOUR GARAGE MAKES YOU A CAR.

Every saint has a past.....
Every sinner has a future.....
Now it's your turn.

Now last but not least. This was what I read in my Bible this morning.....NOT BY MIGHT, NOT BY POWER BUT BY MY SPIRIT I SURVIVE......So I guess this has been me on a soap box and that's all I have to say but as I look out my window the sun is shining and I am going to walk my mile talking to My God all the way...Have a great day and know I send my love...Pokie

Fly, Walk, Run?

January 15......My Oh, My doesn't time fly when your having fun? I had no idea that I would stop writing when I had my hip replaced. It seems I have become very "Un- multitasking" The days seems to fly by way to fast. Maybe is the fact that I will be 64 on the fourteenth, but I doubt it. Really, I have not gotten around so well in many years and after loosing over fifty pounds, I believe I am looking better. I haven't conquered all my demons yet but am certainly trying hard. I made it to the high alter for communion this last Sunday. That is the first time in ten years at least. I was in a wheel chair eight months ago and could not even think of kneeling. As I progress along in this journey, questions get answered only to have others pop up. I could not have reached the success I have without my very close friends and most of all God. So often I think "Can't" and he tells me "Come on" instead. Pain comes and goes but I am so much better and have went from 42 pills a day to 5 and they are all vitamins of one sort or another.

I exercise whether I think I can or not. If I don't exercise one day I cannot move the next day......especially walking. I have even ran (Very awkwardly) for several feet last weekend. Most people who cannot walk dream of flying and I use to but now dream of running. I don't dream of marathons but I figure this is God's new goal for me. The hardest part is the pain in my shoulders and upper body...I have lost my strength in my left arm in particular and have do do lots of pull-ups just to stay mobile and they hurt, big time. BUT, my closest friend keeps reminding me that without pain I will have no gains.

My problem with everything else at the minute is.......admitting I am sick. Sound silly? I have been sick so long I just cannot bring myself to think of going back there and so I say little and try to understand my feelings. I have had some set backs and bouts with depression but all in all I am so much better. Surely as time goes on I will get it all straightened out and things will go back to normal........maybe not! God definitely has me on a new mission in life and I have never let him down yet. At 64 is no time to start.

I will write more as things continue to unfold.........love ya Pokie

Rainbow Connections

God gives us Rainbow Connections, to heed or ignore....Little visions and voices that lead us in one direction or another on any given day. Some listen intently to these voices and others just ignore them and do as they please. What a waste of God's time if one chooses to ignore ans how frustrated he must be getting at our actions. Did someone need a hug today and you passed them by? Did you have extra of anything and not pass it on to someone needing it? Could a nice word have been spoken instead of the rough words that erupted? Did you hold someone down for your own happiness, without remembering that a caged bird does not sing? Why can we not see that our Rainbow Connection is here, now. Our chance to find that pot of gold and make it ever shine for ALL to see. Try it today .....don't make it about money but instead about love. Love your neighbor as you would love yourself.....maybe there is were the problem lies. We cannot love ourselves, so therefore cannot love our neighbor. Somehow we must all make that journey to our "Rainbow Connection", sit quietly and listen to the voices of change......then act on those voices:

"who said that every wish would be heard or answered
When wished on a morning star?
Someone thought of that
and someone believed it
and look what it has done so far."

Yes, I am definitely a dreamer and a lover, I'm told, as well. But look around you at the wonderful space we have been given to inhabit? Regardless of what you believe you must realize and be thankful and pay forward or back for the rent you are owing. There are so many ways to shine, today. Take just a moment with that cup of coffee and come up with just one pleasure for Your Higher Being.....love Pokie

Feeling Good.....

I feel a little leery about saying just how good I feel today and have felt for several days. Why? Because all around me people on PLM and around me in general seem to be so sad and lonely. I feel guilty. Usually when this happens and you run a string of days in really good humor, look out because the bottom will drop out of everything. My dad being the eternal "Optimist (??)" that he was would always say, "Look out for that light at the end of the tunnel. It might not be daylight it might be another train." Slowly but surely things are coming together here and I look forward to scrap booking next week...all the things I have collected on trips in the past three years and pictures of and from http://Patientslikeme.com . I have a couple of sewing projects I would like to do while I am in an up swing. A friend of mine sent me this prayer yesterday that I would like to pass it on to you:

THE KNOTS PRAYER

Dear God:

Please untie the knots

that are in my mind,

my heart and my life.

Remove the have nots,

the canots and the do nots,

that I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots,

may nots,

might nots that may find

a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,

would nots and

should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all,

Dear God,

I ask that you remove from my mind,

my heart and my life all of the "am nots"

that I have allowed to hold me back,

especially the thought

that I am not good enough

Amen.

Author Known to God

Well it's about time for coffee and medication for a new day.....I wish you peace and contentment today and as few "NOTS" as you can handle love always Pokie

Looking Up Instead of Down

No matter what you say to some people, they seem to believe they have to shy and moan and groan and pick the worst thing possible to think of . Then they grab their cup of coffee and no breakfast and start the day with that thought. They don't stand a chance of making it to noon without wanting to take someones head off or committing Harry Carrie. You know the saying, "be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it?" Well my wishes have a habit of coming true...seriously!!!! I sure am glad I think so positive all the time. Just in the past weeks negative thoughts would have robed me of millions of good times that laid the foundation for more good times. Happiness and contentment is there if you keep your chin UP not DOWN. Researchers have to think positive or a cure would not be in the offing. I also have discovered that "old" only plays a part in the scheme of things if you let it. Sure I would love to be twenty and pain free and offered the chance to start an adventure too good to be true.....yes, I know they usually are but what if it's the real deal and you missed it because YOU THOUGHT you were to old, too sick, too down instead of too up. I don't want to nag or brag but some times you just have to go for the gusto and forget all else. As long as God is your walking partner, the path will lead to somewhere and it beats the heck out of sitting at home moaning and groaning...love ya Pokie