Sunday, February 1, 2009

Facing theTruth

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Humbled I am this morning to say, my walking is so much worse. I can only go in short spurts and WalMart is done by chair. I knew the time would come but really did not want to believe how fast it got here. This time last year I was nursing a broken leg and my son had just got married but I was getting around with little pain just mainly clumsy. Did I really believe that walking with a cane would be as far as I would progress? Or did I think it would take me another ten years to get to that wheelchair? I really did not let myself think about it. How silly I was not to be prepared for this in any way mentally. The odd part is, every once in a while I can walk just fine for several steps and then it's gone. It's so erratic that I now monitor each step on a scale of 1 -10. Good steps, bad steps, with pain , without pain.....Somewhere in all this I must find direction, AGAIN.

I see my Lord, patiently sitting waiting for me to catch up....The Human Will is strong whether headed in the right direction or not. There is no reason I can not fight this battle from a wheelchair it just means I must ask for help more often and often help is not here. I know I am in the wrong surroundings but have to stay here to take care of my mom......who gets around better than me. I really must say it is not a pretty picture.

I can now understand where the depression comes from. There is this child inside of me who still runs and plays in the neighborhood yet my much older body will have none of this child play. Once again the responsibilities of the world are there. One thing I know and will always remember....
.The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my sole: he leadeth me in the path of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before my enemies: thou anoiset my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord...Psalm 24:1-6

All of these things can be done in a chair....and if it's a power chair I won't need someone to push me.....See how the pieces fall into place. I will take you here and when you learn how to survive in your surroundings I will move you on.....I just received a promotion of sorts. I have been promoted to the next level UP. I need to adapt and get on with it . I'm slowing up the program. In this day and time I should consider myself lucky I was not fired. And Lucky I WILL consider myself and say thanks......pokie



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Today With PokieToo and Parkinson's and Acute RA Disease