Monday, February 9, 2009

It's Still Mom

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Things began to build up last week and finally Friday I just got in the car and drove to my son's about an hour away. He and Ashley and Ayden are my safe haven from the storm. I can go there and be with my grandson for just two minutes and he has me smiling and when he reaches up and touches my face, it's a touch from God. He usually curls up on my chest and puts his thumb in his mouth and goes right to sleep ...his head curled up under my chin and I forget all about Parkinson's Disease. Even though he now has four new teeth and is only seven months old we balanced out his teething pain and my Parkinson's Pain and were quite the comfort to each other through the entire night. He'd lift up his little head to see who was holding him and then smile and snuggle back down for another hour the whole time holding on to my finger......Little did he know I was ever so content and going nowhere. I was so wrapped up in me and him, that I didn't notice the tole the new me was taking on his dad. Matt and I have been through a lifetime already in his early thirty years. Nothing has every come easy for him and all he has ever wanted was a family. Any thing dark has plagued his life from death, loss, fear and illness...and through it all we have always been together no matter what. I always told him when he was so tiny that "God has big plans for you, he just wants to be sure you appreciate it when he brings it to you" His new life though includes watching his mom get steadily worse and be in obvious pain. He had chose to shirt around this in recent months but in this visit there was no hiding it. He has always been different than the girls we could laugh together and play...we like all the same things and hurt in the same ways...we even look alike. And this was hard for him.....I called back tonight and ask Ashley how he was doing and she said." He's holding Ayden on his chest and he's sleeping and he's smiling." In God's own way, he's filling in the empty spaces. Ten years of sorrow and pain has brought him to the beautiful place he is now and it will be much easier for them to watch me together than separate......The changing of the guard is in place and all is well.....This may just be a stumble and not the complete fall. meds are due to be changed and everyone is working real hard in my behalf.....and we all dwell in faith....l am so blessed to have my life just as it is and more..thank you Lord....pokie

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