Thursday, June 24, 2010

Big Little Steps

Tomorrow at 6am i set out to conquer all my shadows in one large swoop before it's too late. After forty five years I am returning to my home town for a class reunion. Nothing against anyone in my class and nothing against the town but it seemed every time a reunion came up I was pregnant or going through a divorce. Nice excuses huh? Inside I still didn't see myself as good enough, pretty enough, fancy enough and wealthy enough to return. Isn't it funny it took Parkinson's Disease, Epilepsy, aging and extra pounds to bring me to my senses. none of that ever should have meant any difference then or later and sure means absolutely nothing now. I wonder what I could have done if God would have given me this self confidence at twenty or even forty. Oh no, he being the joker he is, gives it to me at sixty three where every thing I do I have to work for....nothing comes easy except the unexpected. I never fear I'm not going to make it. I might run out of time or he might just keep me around until I get done, if there is a done. Almost everyday I sit on the edge of my bed and wonder how I am going to face a new challenge and by the end of the day he has gotten me over the hurdle and on to the next. It's like in high school, I could never watch or run the hurdles because I was petrified of falling in the cinders....and now I do hurdles everyday and fall around like a clown. I use to cry if I had to read a paper in front of the class and now you can't shut me up. My car guit on me and mom on the interstate about a month ago and I was in no hurry to repurchase because of the seizure in October. Then I decided that was silly and started the powers to be looking for a Tahoe to get up my hill with leather seats and on star just in case but before it gets here I rented a car for this weekend and I am taking my first major trip on my own since last October...I know I can do it I just have to prove it to not only myself but my family. I don't remember all this proofing at any other time in my life. I probably just didn't pay any attention, but right now I am learning so much more daily than I ever learned daily in college because I want to learn...and every minute is precious because it is here.....thank you and whohoooooo love Pokie

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Today With PokieToo and Parkinson's and Acute RA Disease