Sunday, September 19, 2010

How Time Slips Away

I have definitely been slacking on my writing, lately. At least public writing....... I am constantly writing poetry and prose on slips of paper and sticking them in books or my purse and pull them out much later to review and add to. In the past five years I have accumulated many mountains of the written word...some mine(most) and some from other people. With Parkinson's I have trouble retaining what I read , but have found if I write it down it sticks better, hence stacks of unfiled thoughts and dreams. I still wake up in the middle of the night with a verse or song going through my brain, begging for attention, at which time I climb out of bed and usually, spend all night perfecting it to my taste. Last night or better yet, this morning I woke up in prayer, not once but twice. This is a first for me. My prayer was in thanks for a special relationship which is forming. I can only say there is a lot to be said for hanging on just a little longer when you think there is no more to live for. As optimistic as I seem, recently I had all the pain and negativity I could stand and was just tired. Tired of fighting to live, tired of being surrounded by negative thoughts and tired of trying to make good of a very hard road to travel by ones self. I was truly making my bucket list and hoping to be spared continuing strife on my journeys to the after life. I pulled together all the courage I could and ventured out after months of home bound living and you know what? God rewarded my efforts once again. I know in times of upheaval over religion and faith, there is a lot of disbelief, but I am solid in my faith! As hard as my times get I have never decided to opt out and end it....I just blend back into the woodwork and become complacent. GOD SAID NO! It isn't time yet and brought me a whole new fantastic life like none I have ever known.......If I had a way I would bottle this and send it to each of my friends and acquaintances in the belief that their life would be saved too. I am no spring chick and I move like I'm ninety sometimes, but I know I am loved through and through and someone cares, just about me. In that thought I was made to understand that when you receive you pay back. Never take anything you cannot repay. .....and if the pleasure was GREAT pay back in kind and it keeps on coming.....I had no idea what I was missing until God took me and showed me......and so at three this morning before time slipped any further away, I was giving thanks in my dreams. I will not share my veery personal prayer but I am sure God heard me and listened....Love Pokie

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Weathered and Worn

See this old barn. She's standing so proud, though her supports are very compromised and she appears quite faded. She has taken repeated attacks against her exterior and still remains true to herself, and Oh, the stories she can tell. She is very large by general standards and in some places very disorganized, yet she stands proudly for all to see. I bet she never even thought of making a "bucket list" or giving up. I passed her two weeks ago on a journey to my past.
You see two months or more ago I had given up and was making lists of things I really wanted to do before I died. This is so totally not me but none the less I was there, making my bucket list.....Me the person who cheers everyone else up was failing and fast....I was just tired. I was tired of thirty some pills a day, I was tired of hobbling everywhere I wanted to go. I was tired of feeling ninety when I was sixty I was just tired! Though I was ready to check it all in, God must have had other plans for me. As he usually does, He sent me an option. Chuck it in and give up or look around and try again....I can say this much about the whole scared me to death but now two months into it I have never been happier in my life.
As humans in God's world we really are not given the option to quit, no matter what. Much like this old barn I have been beat on and weathered many a very strong storm and YET survived to see the sunshine the next day. If there is one thing I have had all my life is faith. Sometimes it has made me appear to be a pie eyed "Pollyanna" and I have often been referred to as "just a little off" but it has gotten me to today. When God decided to show me what it was to be truly loved, he did a beautiful job, as always. I passed this barn on a journey to my past and came back to just stare in amazement at it's beauty. I hope I make you proud. Lord, were you to travel by me and just take a glance. I'll not give up again and I truly thank you for the faith you had and still have in me.
"No one can go back and make a new beginning BUT anyone can start from now and make a happy ending." and "We are never given dreams without also being given the power to make them come true" "Why do we close our eyes when we sleep....when we cry, when we imagine or when we kiss? Because, the most beautiful things in the world or unseen." Love ya Pokie

Today With PokieToo and Parkinson's and Acute RA Disease