Wednesday, July 31, 2013

After all I've done for you?

How precious life is to me,yet I have no fear of dying. I hope all that know me realize my faith keeps me ever driven. God keeps me in perpetual motion. I am in constant search of something I have never seen...a new color, a new sound, a beautiful sunset or dawn. Parkinson's tries to slow me down and then I realize that I have no time for pain nor does anyone else have time to listen to me complain. My feet have never stopped in the last week and I LOVED IT. I covered miles all said I should not, overcame a new fear I have developed of driving in St.Louis by myself and most important I had conversations with people I should have talked to years ago. Surely in these conversations you take the possibility of hearing things you don't want to hear but when all is said, your life is richer by far. I would take this opportunity to thank Russ and Heidi for listening to me babble on. I have spent a week with two of my many VBF and feel the warm glow it has produced. Thank you Lord for holding my hand as I ventured on in discovering the art of being a better servant and also thank you for whispering in my ear once years ago, "After all I have done for you?" when I threatened to give up and go back to ya Pokie

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Life as a senior....

MY, my, will life ever quit changing for me, or is that the way it's suppose to be? I guess, really, I am waiting for something or someone to make it all better. Thank heavens God sticks with me through my trials. I have found so many of these trials are self inflicted. In the early stages of my disease, I would spend hours, days or weeks on one project and now an hour completely does me in and as I return to the recliner, my mind continues to work. I also now have REMS Disorder and so my nights are spent tossing and turning with very vivid dreams. It seems when I am visiting someone, morning coffee is completely consumed by chatter about my night before. I holler, scream, cuss and throw my hands around and never remember a sound. Quite often, I remember the dreams and usually enjoy them but any unfinished business from the day before is really given a work over by night. Once I visited a Neurologist who told me I was a "Neurological Mess". I never went back to see him again but now I realize just how right he was....and often it scares me.. As this disease progresses, I understand the need for a caregiver where before it seemed silly to sit and watch someone clean my house BUT I don't get any pleasure at all from cleaning...none. Cleaning and having a spotless house to display my things had always been at the top of my list. Clean is still at the top of my list but I would love to have someone else to do it. I've always had big sit down lunches and dinners and now nothing. No one can fit to much into their schedules anymore and most "fitins" are a duty not a pleasure. I think I was a little late in figuring just how life can be for a senior with multiple complications. Surely this is a question for me to ponder and solve or maybe just forget and go pokie

Today With PokieToo and Parkinson's and Acute RA Disease