Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Senator Kennedy
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I awoke this morning to the news I had once again lost a dear friend.....a friend I had never met. Not many weeks ago his sister and now him passed leaving such legacies for us all to follow. If I were to make a list of the ways he has affected my life it would be endless. He made mistakes in life but was not afraid to come back and show how much he had learned.....He was human and I will miss his true grit in face of loss and that New England humor that brought the light back to a dark day. Heaven must be an interesting place today as all the Kennedy's that have passed join together to compare notes. I'll miss you one and pokie

Another Penny Showed Up....
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People who really know me, know what a huge part pennies have played in my life since January of 1996. That was where most of my medical story begins with two grandmal seizures. They tell me I died twice that day and by the grace of God am still living. The night before I had a dream about a shinny new penny....a very long and detailed dream that I remember in great detail to this day. Seven days later, when I was showering to leave the hospital a shinny new penny appeared in the shower stall between my feet and at every major event or crossroad in my life I have found a penny. They are not always new and sometimes are very tattered. I always pick them up and thank God for remembering me. Yesterday I was seeing a Movement Disorder Specialist for the first time and went to pull out my medical cards and out falls a penny from my cards. After the events of the last three months, I considered this Gods way of letting me know I was on the right track once again and to carry on. I never pass a penny by even though sometimes it is all I can do to bend down and pick it up.....the lowliest of chance making such a difference in someones life.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Where Is Time Going?
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I cannot believe it is now mid August. Four more months and Christmas will be here...and WINTER. The word winter strikes the fear of God in most people who have Parkinson's. Using me as an example, I can only tell you that cold weather and further isolation are not my thing. This summer has not been like most. Cooler than usual and very wet in our part of the country. This would be bad enough but my friends seem to be having an exceptionally bad time with life right now. One is fighting Lymes and is having more bad days than good. One has spent the summer fighting varicose veins and wonders if she's winning and it goes on and on. My own health has been really scary, to say the least and so this morning I sat a new goal and decided to blog my heart out. When I opened my St. Louis blog, the question was,"What is the best Christmas present you ever received?" PLEASE....I realize I am old by some standards (63) and slow by some standards(Pokie with Parkinson's) but am I missing something here? We have not had Halloween or Thanksgiving and we are wondering about best Christmas. I guess maybe thinking about it is not bad but something here sends up red flags in me. How fast do we have to travel in the life? Everyone around me seems to be going at Warp speed.....Is it just me or as they zoom past, do they have an ability that I no longer have? Can they get Everything done and still enjoy life, or are they just going through the motions? Could I just be too sensitive at this stage and looking for faults? As I am passed by in the slow lane, I can only say this, "I like the slow life in the slow lane." Though my life gets slower and slower, as it will.....the colors seem brighter and the emotions stronger. I heard someone mention yesterday that when once watching people die in a plane crash he saw their Ora's traveling toward heaven and some were brighter than others. He decided then to spend his remaining life making his Ora brighter. ME TOO! Maybe I will just pray for the present of a brighter Ora this Christmas and the time to make it the brightest ever,,,,,,,,love pokie

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Wishing on a Star
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Do you ever get too old to wish on stars? Possibly so....Maybe when you get older not so many stars fall out of the sky for you to wish on because your time is running out for them to come true. I listened to the St.Louis news last night and believed them when they said last night was going to be the biggest of meteor nights from12 to 5 am and so as only a kid at heart would, I fixed my peanut butter sandwich on wheat bread with a small scoop of jelly and filled my thermos with cold milk and grabbed a blanket. It was three am and I was in the car looking for meteors, or wish able stars to me. It's a wonder the Bogey man did not get me, sitting on a deserted country road in the middle of nowhere waiting for this explosion of meteors to grace my view. Well I guess two is better than none and I cannot tell what my wish was because you know it will not come true if you tell. I can tell you it had something to do with a cure for a foxy disease that seems to be playing with me.I sat down there in the dark and ate my sandwich an milk and was able , by the grace of God to find the big dipper and little dipper. I thought this was a remarkable feat considering how long it had been since I had searched them out. As I laid there on my car hood, quite content, I realized just how funny it would have been if someone had been driving home from work and come up on me. It would probably been the determining factor to me being committed to a home. I pondered this thought along with the beauty of the night and the masterpiece God had made for me and decided I would be satisfied with two stars. Why should I get greedy in my old age? One would have really been enough and then one would have to decide whether I still have the patience to wait for my wish to come true. Well as I thought all of this over, I decided the old recliner would feel much better on my back and headed home. Another night another lesson learned.....don't be greedy just take the star you pokie

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Following Old Paths
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A long lost feeling crept into my being today, one that I have not felt for over a year. I went to the garden to pick a few tomatoes and felt that old "farmers rush" for the land. I may have been running from this feeling.....silly me. A farmer I am through and through. Many a good hour has turned into a day tilling a garden and making sure absolutely no weed was left hiding under that special tomato plant I had ordered from so far away. Every row was straight and marked and as volunteer plants appeared, I carefully marked and moved them in new rows. My garden was a show place and I knew it. I had bird baths and windchimes and whirlygigs. I even moved the grass around it and had chairs under the old apple tree so one could sit and survey the surroundings. For two years now I have refused to think about these feelings because I knew I could not do the physical work required for perfection, but did it need to be perfect and did it need to be huge? Would just a simple raised bed in the sunshine had sufficed?
When I left for the birth of my last grandson my kids hauled my goats away.....Sadie and her two kids, Yopn and PD. I had raised Sadie from six weeks old. At age seven she blessed me with twins. She never missed a day of bringing them to the back door to show them off and then they were gone.
My children meant well. The billy goat had broken my leg in the winter out of jealousy and ended up as sausage. Yet, some things that are your life need to be sacred and safe from harm. Today as I picked those tomatoes I missed the smell of the earth and joking with the goats. I missed the feeling of peace in the open spaces. It will no longer be ok for me to take vitamins because I am not in the sunshine, because I will be outside hobbled or not. What fits into the children's schedule may not be good in my schedule. I realize this makes me crazy and hard to handle in their terms, but if they can remember back I have always been a loner. I have worked like a man most of my life...not because I wanted to but because I had to and what has it gotten me? Arthritis and pain but when I was working I was satisfied and healthy and God willing the South will rise again. If it is nothing but a walk to the garden or a morning stroll around the lake I am getting back out where God had me in the first place. God has been right there waiting for me, yet the recliner seemed easier and soon the day was gone.....the devel was in the recliner and fell for it. So all bets are off and I am going back to the old me......slower and older and much more febble but pokie

Today With PokieToo and Parkinson's and Acute RA Disease