Tuesday, April 26, 2011


I put myself through such trials. Often unfounded. Sometimes I later realize the were too much medication or too little. But, as I have told you before, and whether you believe it or not.....My Lord leads me to things I would have never found on my own. So often with a disability, one becomes very sensitive to criticism......almost as if you were a china doll about to be knocked from the shelf....and in that fragile moment anxiety ramps up and our defenses come to the foreground to protect us from the fall. Sometimes even with the best of defense you fall and shatter into a million pieces. Afterward you hover somewhere, out of body, usually crying and feeling quite sorry for yourself and embarrassed at your outburst. Be you right or wrong it was probably "Ugly." What did God think? Did he say,"That's it I'm done with you and to punish you, no more good times." Nope, with me, he gives me a few days to stew and then leaves me a note on my desk and says..."Get Over It!"

This fell from my bible this morning, from nowhere:


I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
not by the beauty of it all,
nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp....
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought,
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How did all these sinners get up here?
God must have made a mistake."

"And why is everyone so quiet,
so somber - give me a clue!"
"Hush, child,", He said, "They are all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you!"

Here's just a few more things that were on the note:

John 3:3 Verily, Verily I say unto thee, except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.


Luke 6:37 - Judge not and ye shall not be judged, condemn not and ye shall not be condemned, forgive and ye shall be forgiven.


Every saint has a past.....
Every sinner has a future.....
Now it's your turn.

Now last but not least. This was what I read in my Bible this morning.....NOT BY MIGHT, NOT BY POWER BUT BY MY SPIRIT I SURVIVE......So I guess this has been me on a soap box and that's all I have to say but as I look out my window the sun is shining and I am going to walk my mile talking to My God all the way...Have a great day and know I send my love...Pokie

Monday, April 18, 2011

I am on the right side

The question is ask to me daily how I went from a wheel chair to walking in ten months. The answer is that I didn't. My Lord and Savior had me on his arm continually. Nothing I have done or went through in that span of time has been without him. At one point I told someone very close to me that I thought I was Bi Polar and he chuckled and ask "Why?" I answered because I hear a voice and he laughs and he's serious but he talks to me when I ask questions and tells me what to do. My friends answer was this, "Honey, that is God and you are so blessed to be hearing his voice and you will be even more blessed if you listen and follow what he says." As crazy as it may sound, I am in moment to moment care and conversation. When I stray, I can feel him laugh at the results and then he tries again. I am so fortunate to have friends who can explain the Bible to me and one gave me an educators Bible in large print. It is one of my constant companions. I will not and can not tell you I am without pain BUT......my pain is tolerable and nothing like what I use to have and that pain keeps me honest, as my dad use to say. I ask to be healed and God answered, "You are!" and I feel I am a healing in process. I take one Azilect, one aspirin,a multivitamin and one meloxicam a day. If I overdo it I may have to take one low dose hydrocordone for pain and I take a fourth of a Zanex to sleep. I take no more than this as adverse to 42 pills a day I use to be on....No seizure meds at all. Through all of this I have had a Neurologist who listens to me intently and weights my suggestions and we have a joint care of me.....At one point I had to go off all meds and it was hard and yes I went through seizures but those times are over. Occasionally on a very stressful day I will have nocturnal seizures. I have not had these in quite some time and absolutely no jurking like I had on the 42 pills. I am in no way advocating my medicine proceedure or the way I am attacking my disease, BUT I have found PD is constantly telling me what I can not do and making me so tired I just give up and go back to bed(I use to) DON'T. Muster everything you can and get up. Even if the walk you take is around your house, WALK. For every pound you loose find something that weighs that and make a pile and once a week put those things in a sack and lift them....That is what you were carrying around...no wonder you could not walk. I tried to lift a 30 pound weight on both sides and take a step and could not even budge...No wonder.
The most important part of this journey has been my faith and the blossoming of my understanding. Ten months ago I had a bucket list and was marking off the things to do before I died. Yes, me "OL Perky Pokie".... NOT..... I did not want to go on and even with the thousands of friends I had, I felt alone, confused and done. But God was not done with me. Four times I have died since 1996 and two times I was the color of new blue jeans when they got me revived. Each death took me to a new life I had never done before. I had never wrote a word before 2007 and for sure not on the internet. One Neurologist called me a Neurological Mess. He explained I was born with juvenile epilepsy, which I never outgrew. Then developed another form later along with Parkinson's and he after thirty years of doctoring could not help me......Too bad he should see me now! As I said my God Send has been Dr. Max Benzequen and shall always be. My advice is to find a doctor you love and trust. To do this you may have to go through many. I went through eleven specialist in one year....and pray constantly for help. If you don't ask you will not receive. God is your Shepard. He will lead you to greener pastures with sunshine everyday........Love ya always Pokie

Today With PokieToo and Parkinson's and Acute RA Disease