Tiptoe lightly

There are several areas I have on my mind today. I only ask that you stay with me as I wander through my thoughts....I am not really lost just have a lot to cover.
First I have discovered this very interesting web site http://www.caregivervillage.com/social media. It cost to enroll but they will donate one dollar to the charity of your choice and the site is full of games, emotions and very creative thoughts for the emotions we all deal with on a daily bases....There are different areas within the site ...Cancer, care giving and so on....games, stories and mysteries and good information.
Next on my agenda is my granddaughter, Katie.. Several days ago she sent me this letter.I don't know where she got it or if she found it and added to it, but it touched me more than she may know.
"Yes I'm a girl, I PUSH doors that clearly say PULL, I laugh harder when I try to explain why I'm laughing. I walk into a room and forget why I am there. I count on my fingers in Math. I hide pain from my love one's. I say it is a long story when it really is not. I cry a lot more than you think. I care about people who don't care about me. A broken nail is painful. I try to do things before the microwave beeps. I listen to you even when you don't listen to me......and a hug will always help.......I'M A GIRL! and all that from a ten year old girl I am very proud of........
Next is the lead article in the Southwest Parkinson News..."CHANGING YOUR BRAIN" This works, I have tried it and it works. When our brains shut down a pathway, open a new pathway by repetitive action or exercise. I bounce a small ball, daily, from one hand to the other. My brain has forgotten how to play like this and just as soon, it will forget how to grip something and it will fall. I sit for a certain time each day just playing ball with myself and my coordination is improving. You will also see your walking and balance improve if you tell yourself to improve your posture and "stop those Baby steps." Try it and see.....I challenge you....." Use exercise as a psychological tool to help protect, repair and optimize brain function." BUT only you can do this for yourself...good luck!
The fourth thing is an article in APDA News letter St.Louis Chapter on "Medications to Avoid or Use With Caution" I was shocked that somethings appeared on there. One of the major standouts for me was hydrocordone since I have had two knees and a hip replaced and another is Xanex for sleeping.....he article was eye opening to say the least. It was authored by Joanna Hartlein, APRN, Family Nurse Practitioner.
Well all of this should keep you busy in your waking hours be they today or tonight......God bless and keep on going.......please.......... love ya, Pokie

Dreams

Well my favorite time of the year has arrived but this year with a little apprehension. I said last spring I would never spend another Winter in this house. Well time is marching on and here I am. I have this uncontrollable urge to be by myself in the country with my things, in the quiet. It would be like returning to the 1800's for I have spent my life collecting antiques that no one now seems to want or have space for (kids that is). Magazines a hundred years old, quilts galore, farm equipment and old, old hand tools...and .......books and books and books. I will have to call a mover if I find a place. The funny thing is I can almost see it in my mind. I don't plan on being a burden on anyone.....I just feel this need.

As I have been getting ready for this......I realized just how much I have wrote since October of 2007. Boxes and boxes, some published and not...some just notes on envelopes and something wrote on the back of a napkin that seemed real important at the time. I guess if the day comes, I will just go through the house and point to what to take and let the kids do what they wish with the rest.

Funny how some things seem so important. I really want a fish aquarium. Lots of flowers and an East facing window to have my coffee and read my Bible at in the morning. Nothing big just homey and comfortable..........Ah, the dreams of this old brain. I must get to bed now. So pleasant dreams to all love Pokie

BEST IN THE WORLD

I put myself through such trials. Often unfounded. Sometimes I later realize the were too much medication or too little. But, as I have told you before, and whether you believe it or not.....My Lord leads me to things I would have never found on my own. So often with a disability, one becomes very sensitive to criticism......almost as if you were a china doll about to be knocked from the shelf....and in that fragile moment anxiety ramps up and our defenses come to the foreground to protect us from the fall. Sometimes even with the best of defense you fall and shatter into a million pieces. Afterward you hover somewhere, out of body, usually crying and feeling quite sorry for yourself and embarrassed at your outburst. Be you right or wrong it was probably "Ugly." What did God think? Did he say,"That's it I'm done with you and to punish you, no more good times." Nope, with me, he gives me a few days to stew and then leaves me a note on my desk and says..."Get Over It!"

This fell from my bible this morning, from nowhere:

BEST POEM IN THE WORLD

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
not by the beauty of it all,
nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp....
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought,
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.


I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How did all these sinners get up here?
God must have made a mistake."

"And why is everyone so quiet,
so somber - give me a clue!"
"Hush, child,", He said, "They are all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you!"

Here's just a few more things that were on the note:

John 3:3 Verily, Verily I say unto thee, except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

JUDGE NOT

Luke 6:37 - Judge not and ye shall not be judged, condemn not and ye shall not be condemned, forgive and ye shall be forgiven.

REMEMBER...JUST GOING TO CHURCH DOESN'T MAKE YOU A CHRISTIAN ANY MORE THAN STANDING IN YOUR GARAGE MAKES YOU A CAR.

Every saint has a past.....
Every sinner has a future.....
Now it's your turn.

Now last but not least. This was what I read in my Bible this morning.....NOT BY MIGHT, NOT BY POWER BUT BY MY SPIRIT I SURVIVE......So I guess this has been me on a soap box and that's all I have to say but as I look out my window the sun is shining and I am going to walk my mile talking to My God all the way...Have a great day and know I send my love...Pokie

How Time Slips Away

I have definitely been slacking on my writing, lately. At least public writing....... I am constantly writing poetry and prose on slips of paper and sticking them in books or my purse and pull them out much later to review and add to. In the past five years I have accumulated many mountains of the written word...some mine(most) and some from other people. With Parkinson's I have trouble retaining what I read , but have found if I write it down it sticks better, hence stacks of unfiled thoughts and dreams. I still wake up in the middle of the night with a verse or song going through my brain, begging for attention, at which time I climb out of bed and usually, spend all night perfecting it to my taste. Last night or better yet, this morning I woke up in prayer, not once but twice. This is a first for me. My prayer was in thanks for a special relationship which is forming. I can only say there is a lot to be said for hanging on just a little longer when you think there is no more to live for. As optimistic as I seem, recently I had all the pain and negativity I could stand and was just tired. Tired of fighting to live, tired of being surrounded by negative thoughts and tired of trying to make good of a very hard road to travel by ones self. I was truly making my bucket list and hoping to be spared continuing strife on my journeys to the after life. I pulled together all the courage I could and ventured out after months of home bound living and you know what? God rewarded my efforts once again. I know in times of upheaval over religion and faith, there is a lot of disbelief, but I am solid in my faith! As hard as my times get I have never decided to opt out and end it....I just blend back into the woodwork and become complacent. GOD SAID NO! It isn't time yet and brought me a whole new fantastic life like none I have ever known.......If I had a way I would bottle this and send it to each of my friends and acquaintances in the belief that their life would be saved too. I am no spring chick and I move like I'm ninety sometimes, but I know I am loved through and through and someone cares, just about me. In that thought I was made to understand that when you receive you pay back. Never take anything you cannot repay. .....and if the pleasure was GREAT pay back in kind and it keeps on coming.....I had no idea what I was missing until God took me and showed me......and so at three this morning before time slipped any further away, I was giving thanks in my dreams. I will not share my veery personal prayer but I am sure God heard me and listened....Love Pokie