Sunday, August 31, 2008

"Mau-Mau Neil's" Heart
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It's 10:30 P.M. and for the last two hours I have witnessed the changong of the guard as my mother 's brain slowly shuts down in the world of today and travels to a safer place and time. Though she appears to be sleeping her hands are in a frenzie. She has not a clue where she is or what she's doing. I sit here with a very small light on that I hope will make her journey a dream and not a nightmare.

With grandma's obvious confussion , comes the end of an era. The end of another time when children were safe and families were large and very close. A time when farmers prayed for sons to be born to take over the farm and daughters were taught early to serve.

She appears to be looking for something. I ask her, "Can't you find it?" and her answer is a soft "No" as she turns her head away from me. Eigthy three years of mending and never throwing anything away and now her hands will not stay still. Sometimes she's folding cloths and other things and other times she's petting a rather large animal. She rests a second and off they go again to find another chore that needs to be done. They have put oxygen back on her and she insists that it tickles and needs to come off. She has a heart monitor in the pocket on her night shirt and between it and her nose she is fighting the Russian War and loosing.

Oh, dear Lord hear my prayer,
Grant her peace in these the last of her days.
Shut those eyes and take that evil look away,
Take her to the sunshine to play another day!

11:15 and as she nestles her little stuffed lamb , she appears to be quiet for a while. The story line of a thousand arguments remains written on that German face. Time for fun, games and frivilous things or wasted time here. Work, Work, and work some more until the day is done.. It's 1:20am and in her mind, my mom just made a feah pot of good coffee and then tried to get out of bed to get me some. "It was really good coffee." I'm sure it was.

Someone came in while I napped and stole my mom. The look on the face in front of me I do not know.

But she has will and is by no means fragil and I will be there for her always regardless.......Things are better and the fog is lifting in her head ...We will go home today and give the heart time to heal the ya pokie


Anonymous said...

It is so hard to watch your mother go through this. You also now have to take on complete responsibility for decisions whether you want to or not. That can be very confusing and frustrating. You are a strong, intelligent woman and you will investigate and research as you do with pd and come up with the right answers. But just remember there is someone who will help you if you ask. He is just a prayer away. His three answers are yes no or wait. Three is the hardest
but it may be what you have to do. Hang in there and keep smiling through the tears. Sass

Joanie Butler said...

Blessings my dear friend. I remember the days when my Mom's mind was held in fog from the large dosages of pain meds that were coursing through her body before she left to be with Jesus. It is so difficult to watch someone we love become lost to us. I think that is my greatest concern with PD. Take my body, but I pray that I will keep my mind. (Such that it is. LOL!)

I am continuing to pray for you and your Mom.

pokie too said...

dear Joanie God works in mysterious ways. My mom seems very much at peace right now and she is happy in her environment.....what more could I ask? I hope you know how much I cherish your friendship love pokie

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